I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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