forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
