the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
