Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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