Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
