she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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