His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
