Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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