Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize