Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
