Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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