So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
