dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
