I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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