Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Couch. On fire.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
