Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize