i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just gift wrapped bread.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
