yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
