Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
