i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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