Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Randomize
