I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
