Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
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