apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
