"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
