What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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