The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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