He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
