I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
