so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
