I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
