once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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