you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
