I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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