Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
