the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Randomize
