So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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