was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
