Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
