She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
