I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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