I am puke
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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