Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
