Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
