I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize
