I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
