whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
