i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
