he thought i was a dude.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
