He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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