I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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