Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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