so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
