I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
