So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
