Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
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