He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
