He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
