First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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