It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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