Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
