Will you blow on my dice?
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
