piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
