Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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