He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
