Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
