For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
