Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
God, I missed his penis.
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